Lots of Planets Have a North

In anticipation of Doctor Who Series 7, I have decided to take a look at what came before it, at least in my experience. I will be reviewing Series 7 episodes as they air, but I decided I wanted to review the "old" ones as well. I put "old" in quotes, because there is an even older series, which aired starting in 1963, but I haven't watched those episodes and probably never will. Anyway, this is my review of "Rose", the first episode of the 2005 revived series of Doctor Who.

Let's begin with the beginning, specifically the first two minutes: The first minute contains the title theme and that part right after the title screen where the camera zooms in from space onto London, which basically establishes that this episode takes place in London and that Doctor Who has a decent logo.

The next minute uses a short video montage of Rose's day to establish a few important facts:

1. This is Rose.

This is a comfortable bed.

2. She lives with another woman, probably her mother.

I kiss all my roommates good morning.

3. She has a job at a place called "Hendrik's" that she doesn't much care for.

4. She has a boyfriend.

So in the first two minutes, we already know basically everything that there is to know about Rose's life, and without a single word being said. That is a very good sign.

The next thing that needs to be established is conflict, and the episode again builds that up to almost extreme proportions. The next six minutes contain:

1. Tension: A dark scary room

2. Bad guys: Plastic mannequins that are trying to... karate chop Rose to death?

I'm a black-belt, b*tch!

3. Someone to save the day: This weird guy with big ears. Also known as "The Doctor".

"Run!"

4. Buildings:

5. Explosions:

So, all-in-all, off to a good start.

If this is the sort of series where each episode is kind of standalone, that means that three more things need to happen:

• We need to know why the mannequins have achieved sentience.
• We need to learn who this "The Doctor" man is, at least a little.
• The plastic people need to be neutralized in some way.

All three of these things happen, but in kind of a clunky way. After some runaround where Mickey (the boyfriend) gets eaten by a hungry trash can

If you recycled less and threw out more, then things like this wouldn't happen.

The Doctor and Rose manage to find the Nestene Consciousness, which has somehow managed to mind-control all of the plastic in London using a Ferris Wheel and is planning to wipe out all of humanity and use the Earth's resources

Its second project will be to find a transmitter that can send something other than the letter "O".

The Nestene Consciousness itself is a giant orange blob of lava that speaks in rumbles and grunts.

He's just upset because his face looks like a fist.

But it is eventually vanquished by anti-plastic, which doesn't seem to destroy its plastic container, but does destroy the orange humanity destroyer. 

This causes the mind-controlled mannequins, who were planning on killing all humans, to glitch out and do a weird dance instead.

"We've got the moves, babzyhwwqax."

There are a couple of things that bothered me about this episode. First off, a bunch of people must have known that Rose was in the clothing store where she worked right before it exploded, but as far as anyone else knew, she was alone. That alone should have led to some sort of inquiry, but she also managed to look anything but innocent as she left.

"What? Who said anything about an explosion? Ha... Ha..."

The building was obviously laced with explosives, Rose was the only one there, and she was seen by many people running away really suspiciously. Why were the police not all over her?

The next thing that bothered me was a scene just after Rose sees the inside of the TARDIS. She's just learned that Mickey is probably dead, which the Doctor forgot about and then, the Doctor manages to forget again, looking confused when Rose says "I'll have to tell his mother". She replies with such anger and disgust that we really get to see just how human Rose is to the Doctor's alien-ness.

"Mickey's not just some kid! He's someone's son, and my boyfriend! How could you not care?"

And then with not even enough time for a deep breath, she starts asking the Doctor about his accent and his police box. It's as if Mickey never existed.

"You mean that mouse that's popular over at Disney?"

It takes a large part of the tension out of the rest of the episode, because it's clear at that point that Mickey is alive, and somehow, deep down, Rose knows it.

The last thing that bothered me was that the Doctor caused the plastic people attack by freaking out the Nestene consciousness. The only reason it attacked was because it found the Doctor's TARDIS and because the Doctor showed up to parlay with it armed with anti-plastic. The Doctor should probably have thought that through before putting himself and the entire human race in danger, and found a way to treat with the Nestene in a non-threatening way. Then things like

Not Clive!!

Could have been avoided.

So overall, this episode was okay, and served its purpose well, but it had a few glaring deficiencies that I hope the rest of the show manages to avoid. It certainly hooked me with the epic beginning and with the "Next Week On", but the episode itself was a disappointment.

Favorite Quotes:

Rose: "Who are they, then? Students? Is this a student thing or what?"

Doctor: "Why would they be students?"

Rose: "I dunno."

Doctor: "Well you said it. Why students?"

Rose: "Cause... to get that many people dressed up and being silly, they've gotta be students."

Doctor: "That makes sense. Well done."

Rose: "Thanks."

Doctor: "They're not students."

Rose: "But what's it all for? I mean, shop window dummies? What's that about? Is someone trying to take over Britain's shops?"

Doctor: "Hahaha, no. It's not a price war. Hahaha. They want to overthrow the human race and destroy you."

Rose: "If you're an alien, how come you sound like you're from the North?"

Doctor: "Lots of planets have a North!"

NEXT EPISODE: THE END OF THE WORLD

We get to meet the last human, Michael Jackson.

"Let's go to Neverland!"