The Story
The Caretaker begins with certain death!
Where are they? Who chained them up? How will they get out of it? What happened to that thing in the foreground? Why does Clara have so many jackets?
And... we're sent back to Earth, apparently after they get free because she's really tan. We get to see Clara go through all sorts of hijinks trying to balance her adventures with the Doctor against her romance with Mr. Pink while keeping neither of them in the know.
 |
| IT'S SYMBOLISM SHE HAS TWO FACES AND LEADS TWO LIVES |
But don't worry, we'll pick that story back up again, and find out how the Doctor and Clara escaped the Sand Piranhas.
...Right?
Well, actually no. The bait from the beginning is completely abandoned, and this episode revolves around the Doctor going undercover as a completely bonkers caretaker.
 |
| WRITER 1: How do we make sure that the audience knows that THIS is the Doctor's deep cover? WRITER 2: They'll probably recognize the actor WRITER 1: I dunno, that might be too much for them. Let's have him say "The Doctor" in his dialogue. WRITER 2: That seems a bit much... WRITER 1: Let's also have him wink, with dramatic music, so that the audience knows that there's something deeper going on of which the other characters are unaware. WRITER 2: ... WRITER 1: And then in the next scene, he'll actually say "Deep Cover", just to make sure everyone remembers! |
The Doctor's gone undercover in the school because he wants to embarass Clara by acting like a clown there is a spider-like war machine loose in the school that is going to destroy the whole planet!
The Caretaker Doctor comes up with a wacky plan to boot the Skovox Blitzer a billion years into the future using a bunch of chronodyne generators, but it actually only gets sent to the following Thursday because Danny Pink unwittingly turns some of them off. Predictably, after this, Danny and the Doctor do not get along.
Thursday rolls around, and Skovox is back, hell-bent on destruction, in the middle of parent-teacher night, no less! The Doctor manages to trick it into listening to him, but he forgets the password and things start to go awry.
Fortunately, Danny saves the day by doing a big somersault, the Doctor remembers his password, and everyone lives happily ever after.
Well... except that guy.
The Review
Ugggggh.
That's really all I want to say about this one. I read somewhere that it had to happen - that we were somehow in need of this big, unpleasant meeting, beween the Doctor and Danny. But why? Why was this necessary?
Why is the Doctor incapable of wrapping his mind around the idea of an ex-military Math teacher? He's not stupid, and he's dealt with ex-military before.
Actually... wait a minute...
He is ex-military! Three times over! See that, up there? That's a war. And that's the Doctor, the Doctor, and the Doctor! One of them is even called the War Doctor!
I get not being a fan of current-soldiers, although even that's not quite fair, but if you are going to hate on everyone who's ever had involvement... that seems awfully unforgiving.
And even this attitude is new. Not even like, NuWho new, or even Season 8 new. Two episodes ago, we met this guy, whose title was clearly Colonel.
The Doctor treated him with respect and kindness, even knowing that he had, and was still sporting, a military title.
And now it's: "Why not get a dog, or a big plant?"
Seriously?
Every interaction between the Doctor and Danny made everyone involved, especially the Doctor, look awful. He was the stereotypical jealous ex-lover/dad.
I get it - we need drama - we need conflict. But does that need to come in the form of degrading the main hero of the show? Do we really need the Doctor to be such an asshole that he refuses to call Clara's boyfriend by his name, or even by his actual profession, but instead keeps calling him "P.E."?
"It's a play!"
That scene was painful, just painful, to watch. Clara prancing around, wailing about some surprise play; Danny standing there agape, saying things like "space Dad".
I guess it was gratifying at least to see that Danny never believed in the surprise play. Although that would have been too stupid even for this episode. For goodness sake - there was a burning hole in the chairs!
Okay, let's talk about the big alien villain.
The Skovox Blitzer! It's a war robot with six legs, guns for arms, and it keeps saying "Problem Solution Destroy".
...
That's really all there is to say about it. It wasn't particularly interesting - it only existed to first give the Doctor and Danny something to fight about, and then to give them something to make up over.
And near the end, we've got that incomprehensible scene where the Doctor forgot the final input, Danny distracted it, the Doctor then didn't say the final input code, but Skovox shut down anyway.
Although I will note that I enjoyed the camera-tilt effect that seemed to follow Mr. Skovox around.
Question time!
That's really all I want to say about this one. I read somewhere that it had to happen - that we were somehow in need of this big, unpleasant meeting, beween the Doctor and Danny. But why? Why was this necessary?
Actually... wait a minute...
I get not being a fan of current-soldiers, although even that's not quite fair, but if you are going to hate on everyone who's ever had involvement... that seems awfully unforgiving.
And even this attitude is new. Not even like, NuWho new, or even Season 8 new. Two episodes ago, we met this guy, whose title was clearly Colonel.
And now it's: "Why not get a dog, or a big plant?"
Seriously?
 |
| Pictured: Jenna Coleman upon reading that part of the script. |
I get it - we need drama - we need conflict. But does that need to come in the form of degrading the main hero of the show? Do we really need the Doctor to be such an asshole that he refuses to call Clara's boyfriend by his name, or even by his actual profession, but instead keeps calling him "P.E."?
"It's a play!"
 |
| "And if I just push a little harder, I can make my mouth and my face exactly the same shape! Ozzie loves the squaddie!" |
I guess it was gratifying at least to see that Danny never believed in the surprise play. Although that would have been too stupid even for this episode. For goodness sake - there was a burning hole in the chairs!
 |
| It's symbolism for all the plotholes in this episode. |
...
That's really all there is to say about it. It wasn't particularly interesting - it only existed to first give the Doctor and Danny something to fight about, and then to give them something to make up over.
And near the end, we've got that incomprehensible scene where the Doctor forgot the final input, Danny distracted it, the Doctor then didn't say the final input code, but Skovox shut down anyway.
 |
| "Is it password1? No... how about password2? Yes!" |
 |
| The corridor was actually built that way. The architect behind this building was having a really bad day. |
- Why was Clara keeping her two lives secret from the Doctor and Danny?
- How did they get away from the Sand Piranhas at the beginning?
- This is, maybe the third time we've seen Danny and Clara together, and the first time that wasn't an embarrassing attempt at a first date. Isn't it a bit too soon to be dropping the L-word? Well, who knows, maybe that relationship developed mostly offscreen. If only the Doctor's relationship with Danny could have developed offscreen...
- Why did the Doctor go to Clara's place at the beginning, only to tell her "No Adventure". Why not just do what he was doing and then come back that day later? He's a time traveller - that sort of thing is his super-power.
What was up with all that "Ozzie Squaddy" stuff? Nothing came of that - will it later in the season?- Why, oh why, did we have to have that nonsense with the Matt Smith lookalike?
 |
| "Is that what I used to smell like? No wonder Clara made me regenerate." |
Okay, actually, I figured out the "Ozzie Squaddie" thing. Oswald loves the guy who's been in a squad. Got it. I'll give The Caretaker a point for that - a fun little easter-egg hunt.
But that's the only point it gets.
Fine, I'll give it one more point - I loved the erratic music that played when the Doctor was putting up his little sensors.
Two points. That's it.
Two points. That's it.
Overall
Ugggggh.
I will never get back the time I wasted watching The Caretaker. The villain was flat and boring - there's only so much depth you can get out of "Problem Solution Destroy" - and the whole episode was clearly there to provide the next stage in the Danny-versus-Doctor saga.
But it was painful, and awkward, and unpleasant to watch. "It's a play!". For real? "I tried to retain that [an ex-soldier could be a Maths teacher]... it's just not going in." Seriously?
I maintain that arc simply didn't need to be there. I don't care how much Ozzie loves the Squaddie, I don't need to see the Doctor as a jealous dad/ex-lover, and an idiot to boot.
And don't let me forget about the whole let's-tell-a-tiny-part-of-a-story-but-then-leave-the-entire-resolution-of-that-story-off-camera thing they did at the beginning. That is just bad storytelling.
Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm being too harsh. Let's ask the episode itself what it wants us to do.
See? Even the episode doesn't want us to watch it!
I will never get back the time I wasted watching The Caretaker. The villain was flat and boring - there's only so much depth you can get out of "Problem Solution Destroy" - and the whole episode was clearly there to provide the next stage in the Danny-versus-Doctor saga.
But it was painful, and awkward, and unpleasant to watch. "It's a play!". For real? "I tried to retain that [an ex-soldier could be a Maths teacher]... it's just not going in." Seriously?
 |
| "SERIOUSLY!" |
And don't let me forget about the whole let's-tell-a-tiny-part-of-a-story-but-then-leave-the-entire-resolution-of-that-story-off-camera thing they did at the beginning. That is just bad storytelling.
Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm being too harsh. Let's ask the episode itself what it wants us to do.
NEXT EPISODE: KILL THE MOON
Moon Spiders have good dentists.
No comments:
Post a Comment